Skip to content

7 Reasons men need to be encouraged to change (stats prove it)…

and if you, as a woman, love the father, male partner or son in your life – you will want to help.

Due to their conditioning and make-up, men too often can find themselves facing their own crucifixion – and there IS a modern equivalent. It is the result (real or imagined) of failure to “keep up” financially, and to otherwise conform to all of the huge societal pressures. For so many who can’t keep up, they put themselves on that cross.

We may not be always able to SOLVE our problems or pressures, but women are at least much better equipped to DEAL with them – simply because we have no issue with talking about them, nor in asking for help. But as these statistics prove, the minds and souls of men DO NOT similarly deal so well.

1) 20% of middle age men suffer a mid-life crisis (UK NHS figures)
2) 1 million people across the globe die by suicide every year (= 1 every 40 seconds)*
3) 5 times more often it is men committing suicide
4) highest numbers are amongst 30-44 year old males
5) suicide accounts for 1 in a 100 deaths
6) it is estimated that 5% of people attempt suicide at least once in their life

And a final shocking figure is this:


(* source for remaining statistics: International Association for Suicide Prevention)

It has to stop.

But when was the last time you looked at your partner, your father or mother, your child, or your best friend or colleague and thought “I wonder how they REALLY are?” And when did you actually sit them down to ask?

Or perhaps you ARE that person about to implode. When was the last time you felt anyone cared enough? When did you last beg in your head for someone to reach out, notice you enough, feel your pain enough? If these moments/days pass without fatality they will not be your break-down, but your break-out. It will be your breaking out from a mind that has imprisoned you, and will be your free pass from the machinations that capture so many. But the cost is huge.

I love this time of year as Easter approaches. I love the story of Jesus and his resurrection. It matters not if you believe the story or not, what matters is the picture I am painting. The life so many of us live turns us into that solitary figure carrying his cross. That person not fulfilling the expectations of family or society, not making enough money, not succeeding enough, not yet married, or not yet fully conforming can feel IMMENSE stress for all of these transgressions. They have the equivalent weight that Jesus felt – of being humiliated, spat upon, jeered, shunned, and then hung up to die. And the weight shatters ones heart, and shatters ones soul until that moment is reached when one similarly cries out

“Why have you forsaken me?”

– and those words are shouted at all of the people who SUPPOSEDLY love us.

I am on a mission, and I will pull no punches in saying what I will say. My father was one of those people who took on the love of his family so much, worked so hard, whilst still living life to the full, that his heart gave out. He died in tragic circumstances in front of me. He was 45. I was 14. It was the most crushing blow. He was still an utter God in my eyes. He was perfection in a father. And the thing was, I was also still perfect. Nothing had rocked my world in the slightest by that age. My life had been bliss. I had never seen awful things on the horizon by that age – nor did I imagine they existed. His death was catastrophic to us all. What is saddest is that in all of the pain that followed, I quietly wished my mother had done more to look after him. (We all do place such awful blame when so monstrously hurt and confused.) Since his first heart attack she had done the very best she could. He was a man who would not ever stop living life to the full. He would watch his rugby or football (televised to us in Canada) and he would scream his encouragement or fury! He would work hard to provide us with the nicest life. And in his spare time he would love us all with his whole heart. I just wish my mother could have persuaded him to down-size, or to change direction. I know he would have had none of it, but I feel there may have been a chance if we had all been given the opportunity to say how we all wanted to live. It may have convinced him that we COULD change from the path society expected us to live. We COULD be different and still happy.

Consequently, I live a very different life to most. I have the fewest friends, I work from home, I hardly go out, I choose not to overwork, I haven’t travelled or holidayed for years, but I am as happy as a sandboy. That joy comes (yes, from how much I have evolved as a being), but also from all of the time I CAN give to those who are the most precious to me: my daughters, my man, family, friends and dogs. It is self propelled joy. I give immense love and time to them, and it comes back so wondrously that it insures I keep giving and loving. In no way do I smother them because there is always so much to do in being a single, working mum. The thing is, if I were to live in a different way – working more, socialising more, shopping or doing anything normal MORE, I would not have the time to truly cherish what it is I DO. The love I receive back, in no small way, has always made me thrive. Superficial, surface stuff does nothing for me. You have to get in there deep. So, now I have no needs, I just have desires. And the biggest one is to give.

I have learned enough to know I should not, and cannot, tell anyone what to do. But I can stop you and make you think. So many of us over work, over socialise, and over DO all sorts of things because we have “issues”. But stop and think; when you can’t swim but want to, do you seek a swim instructor? When you need financial investment advice do you seek an advisor? When you’re not “doing life” too well, do you seek a self-help guide or life coach? You could. Some of us are worth our weight in gold! But whether you do, or don’t, always endeavour to be true to yourself, speak up for yourself, get to the point of respecting and loving yourself, and on the way truly look at those you love, and truly love and respect them. We all need to cherish each other more. And we especially need to help the men in our lives learn to talk, learn to feel and acknowledge their emotions. For too long they have been conditioned to behave as if they none – “that’s all SOFT stuff”. But that’s crap. We all have hearts, we all break, and we all need to feel and express love.


Why she may not have been happy with the (Valentine) Sexy Lingerie

This is an excerpt from my book. This chapter deals with married life, and when intimacy may go wrong. It deals with the battle that rages in too many lives: quality of life, precious time and what is important vs all the pressures of juggling work and family…
Within those early days, when so many lives and paths are being juggled, time typically can be short, and the possibility for equally satisfying love-making is small. That deep bonding that would help parents cope seems elusive. That fact causes stress, and the downward spiral carries on. Sex gets crammed into the end of the night when both are tired. And both typically roll back over wondering why they bothered since it was so brief and empty. What can one expect when no time to relax, yet alone build loving feelings and energies, has been created? This is a time when sexual problems may rear their head: premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and the dwindling of interest in both. One can nigh on script this (or similar version) happening with every couple.

A woman can get an idea of how upset and depressed her partner may feel at that time by doing one thing. If she were to deprive herself of all the things that she gives love to (and receives it back from) like that baby, her children, or puppy, and carried on with little or no emotional support from her partner, SHE would end up in the same depressed and lacklustre state her partner feels when HE is deprived a loving and sexy relationship. She would feel as if her life candle had completely gone out.

Women, please do pause here to truly imagine how this would feel for you.

But it is in exactly the same way that her very real need for loving, emotional support from her partner matches his sexual drive in validity and seriousness. A woman bereft of this support from her partner feels as if her life candle has gone out. A man must get an idea as to how unhappy his partner may be becoming at this same testing time. The important exercise for him would be to look at how low and depressed he can feel.

Men, please do pause here to truly imagine how this would feel for you.

* * * * *

It is SO important that the first damaging steps are not taken. Resentment can occur on both sides the minute our needs are not met. The minute that happens we are less likely to give generously and lovingly to each other. We start feeling as if we must take in order to have our needs met, and that is never a good thing. I do believe that heightened emotions, tiredness and stress add fuel to what is not normally an inflammatory situation, ie: if a couple were otherwise restricted from their normal level of intimacy. She steps back when she feels that she is not being emotionally supported, and he steps back when he feels not lovingly/sexually supported. Both parties believe that they are doing so much for the family good that they don’t feel it is their fault, nor do they feel inclined to take the first conciliatory step. In no time a chasm may exist, across which there is little easy movement, nor communication.

It is certainly a dicey time. It is a time when really good, honest, non-blaming communication is essential. It is a time when understanding each other’s makeup is essential so that we do not hurt one another. It is a time when we need reminding just who we are, and what is important.

Consider this worst case common scenario. She/ He arrives home too late from work to enjoy their loving children. There is perhaps less loving support between the partners. Their working day has not been filled with love. So, where else are they to
find it? It is the cause of so many of us living our lives with a touch of sadness. We ALL need love. We all benefit from love. Our homes should be full of it. Our homes, partners and families should be that haven.

Every new, loving couple has everything in place to learn how to carry on loving perfectly, through testing times, if they don’t blow it first. Every other couple has the means to re-fill their relationship with love and joy. The secret is in knowing how.

Example: although I love the work that I do, it does also sadden me. A large number of my clients are men seeking guidance. Time and again I am told: ‘We have a great relationship. All aspects within it are good except that we have little or no sex-life. She seems ok with that, but I look at the rest of my days and am distraught that it will
probably only get worse. What can I do?’ And these men share the typical low mood, low energy, and lack of sparkle that I described above. What saddens me further is that I would highly bet on the fact that his partner is doing just what I described – she is managing well to stop her life-candle from blowing out altogether, whilst she lives with this man offering her less love than he once did. And I’d bet even more highly on the likelihood that she’d love that original man back. That man who first wooed and openly cherished her has been missing for awhile, just as she has been missing to him. But, as too often happens, they have taken steps away from each other, they have cauterised their own hurt by so doing, and each buries a sadness within, of which they no longer speak.

To re-cap:
To really get to the most powerful and beautiful energies and love of a woman, one needs to fully satisfy her heart. Since where we want to welcome you (into our hearts and our bodies) is still very sacred a space (even un-knowingly to us), we can only really let you access our beautifully loving and sexual Goddess by first helping us feel safe, valued and truly loved. (We can’t easily “give” if we feel you’re going to share all the details with your friends!) Whilst to get the biggest love from a man, we need to travel the other way first, fully satisfying his sexual needs, before we might in time truly claim his heart and obtain his utterly devoted love. I guess each gender needs confirmation that what is important to it (love, and sex, respectively) has good potential of being long-term satisfied.

Something to explain why he buys you sexy lingerie (or wants to) !

This is an excerpt from my book, Opening Secret Boxes. A chapter relating to men and women, sex and when intimacy may go wrong. It is just a taste of explaining the gender’s differences!

(…Let’s take the example of life once having started a family. With that change things will have altered hugely for a woman, but they would not have changed in the same way for a man.)
Women can be very content, and fulfilled having the tap on their hearts open: caring, giving, and loving. They can be so fulfilled that sex needn’t be up there in their “greatest needs” chart. Men, at this time, carry on being fulfilled by creating and looking after their empires (family and work). For both genders, however, all that they create or sustain,doesn’t matter much if there is not other loving/appreciative beings to share it with. But this is when the difference in each gender’s needs becomes most apparent, ie: the woman’s super-primary emotional need, and the man’s super-primary sexual need.

The thing we haven’t typically understood is that these needs both lead to the same place – that of being more loving, giving and emotional. For men, having sex is like the key on their “safe”. If their safe is their heart, you don’t easily get there unless you turn the key first. It’s just the way they are built! In an on-going, intimate relationship, it is via sex that men go on and on opening up to their deeper emotions and loving feelings for their partner. There are no two ways about it. But this is especially true if the sex has evolved into making Love. Every woman will hopefully know this. Every time a man is in that “after-glow” state, that is when his partner can feel his love so powerfully. You are both, at that time, wrapped in this wondrous blanket of love. That is when you both drink in the loving nectar that holds you until the next time. It takes very special circumstances to feel that same powerful love at other non-intimate times. Stop and think about this for awhile.

We can sum it up in another way: for men – having sex can become making love, but it rarely starts off as such simply because their hearts have not yet fully opened in those initial moments. Women, on the other hand, can make love from the outset, and would often prefer that, rather than having sex. Because then we get the other fix we like, which is the Love created (to make love = to create love). To illustrate further: if we make love on a Sunday, we can usually happily have sex with you on a Tuesday (for instance!) since our hearts our still happily full enough of your cherishing love.

It is because of how they are built that it’s sadly possible for men to feel not properly loved if their woman doesn’t (sometimes) approach them in their way, ie: just wanting lovely, horny sex! Because, after all, it is the direction in which they move when they want to show love. (But do remember I am still having to generalise. There are men out there who don’t have the heavier leaning towards all things masculine, just as there are women who won’t have the heavier leaning to the typical feminine needs and ways.)

Unfortunately, without this understanding, women can get to a point of feeling that their way of loving is superior. Perhaps because it comes via the heart we feel it’s more unconditional, as opposed to via his nether regions! – and thus seemingly “conditional”. I’ve heard women say, ‘why do they have to have such base needs?’ But let me again say something in the defence of men. Whether we are considering our needs, or men’s, ALL needs are base. The Buddhas and Christs amongst us don’t have needs (they will have evolved past them to a place of amazing freedom which others can’t quite imagine, or do only dream of).

Very damagingly, a certain generation of men may have been conditioned to think that it is not far off being an animal if they go on having these great desires and urges, and that they should aspire to get past them. Women have had their opinions of men tainted in the same way. But a man’s drive is not a base need that he should aspire to get past them, it is a very real physiological propulsion that doesn’t tend to leave him. (It may not be such an evident need if he is very well balanced, very well evolved, or on a spiritual journey.) It is this lack of compassionate understanding which has produced the catastrophic downward spiral found in so many relationships. Because men have been shamed or embarrassed as a result of this conditioning, they have learned that they may have to fib about how they satisfy their sexual needs, even if it is innocently via masturbation, and/or a bit of porn.

But man’s truth, before there is any deception, is that his need to be sexual is as innocuous and as natural as a woman’s need to be emotional: to talk, to chat, to have some pampering, or to be listened to. But what makes their need “base” is the deception that became seemingly necessary because of our historical fear, our conditioned thinking, and lack of insight. Once these are removed, and we have fresh insight into men, they will feel easier in their skins, they will stand up for themselves and their super-primary need, and the guilt and lies that made that need ‘base’ will vanish. I hope that women will trust to this being the outcome, as they too stand up for their own super-primary need. I’m not sticking up for men in all of my arguments, I am sticking up for Truth, and what that brings. Women do deserve to know what kind of relationship is possible with men! – because they can be heaven on earth. (The visa versa is taken as read!)

* * * * *
And that opposite is so easily achieved: a relationship that gets better and better, sex that immediately becomes love-making that is spellbinding for both partners (and that can even be past the menopause) because it is intoxicating, with real depth and real
height in emotions, sexiness, and passion. This sort of relationship is all that both genders dream of…

How do YOU love your partner?

This is an excerpt from my book, Opening Secret Boxes
Chapter: Your Gift to your Partner/Spouse

Now, let’s say you are my partner or spouse, what would be your fate? It would be the same as if you were one of my best and closest friends (except you would get some extras!). Ideally we should all be able to say our marriage/relationship is just like that, but how many can? To me (disregarding the extras), perfection would be in treating
everyone the same. That, again, was how Jesus told us to play it. ‘Love your neighbour as your self’, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ It’s all Truth-with-Love stuff.

How do I treat my best and closest friends?
– I don’t own (control) them
– I respect them
– I don’t take their power away
– I am scrupulously honest and open with them
– I don’t manipulate them
– I don’t have expectations or agendas
– I don’t pry into what is private to them
– I let them have the space they want or need
– I don’t make them do anything.
– I check that they are happy – doing or being – with me
– I have truth chats with them (but they are really no longer necessary)
– I don’t take them for granted (as if I owned them!)
– I never lie to them
– I honour their individuality and encourage them to fly
– I let them be just who they are (sometimes needy, sometimes distant, sometimes
vulnerable, sometimes shut-down…)
– I honour all that has made them who they are
– I offer them unconditional acceptance, support and love

How do I treat my partner? I treat him in exactly the same way. In that unconditional love I let him know that if he can look me in the eye, and say that he would be happier somewhere else, doing something else, or being with someone else, then I would be the first to want that for him. I would want it because his happiness is my happiness. If he were unhappy in some way related to me then I couldn’t be happy.

Double-check: – is this how I treat my best and closest friends? Yes.
– is my partner my best and closest friend? Yes.

What allows me to be so self-less and perfect in my love of him? It’s down to 3 things.
1) I actually Self-honour by being that way.(“Self Honouring is explained in the book)
2) The love he gives back in appreciation. It is huge love, and
3) I can only conclude it’s because of the upward spiral we are in. It started the moment I had that Truth conversation with him; the one that established I had no secrets from him, nor would EVER lie to him. That began our super-firm foundation of trust and love. It was a gift he had never been given before. Any architect will tell you that you can only go high if your foundation is the firmest. We now both travel to new, fulfilling, inspiring, meaningful, deep (/high) levels in our relationship which we had not previously touched. I had dreamt of their existence, but I had to become pure and clear. By that I mean I needed to become this advocate for strict truth; I had to find its immense power. Like so many people I’d always preferred to be totally honest,
but found I could also get caught in that truth hurts trap. Once I’d learned what I had to learn, my rules of strict and utter truth had new and dazzling outcome. I also had to find the right loving partner, who would work through his own problems and eventually want to live the same way. By doing my intense work on myself, and establishing this strict but simple belief system, it allowed me to allow myself to be truly loved. It’s something, you will probably find, you actually have to learn to do.

But, I can hear you. You have a question about all this. The thought is in your head: “what if you’re married (/in a union), with the responsibility of care for your children?…..

Will the West be the ruination of Yoga?

How is it that I keep reading about yoga injuries, or how yoga can be “bad” for you? I also keep hearing of Yoga teacher training courses that a) require no real proof of your history of practice, and/or b) are over within (for example) 100 hours. How can either direction be the start of proper yoga teacher training? It is simply not possible. Yes, much of this bad news is emanating from America, but it is spreading. Yoga is not a skill, like aerobics or spinning classes, that can be learned – and I’m tempted to say – by anyone. One evolves to become a Yoga Teacher. One becomes a Yoga teacher because the love and passion in ones heart for yoga wants to touch others – to move them, and even heal them on many levels. One certainly doesn’t take on becoming a teacher because it’s “cool”.

The Science of Yoga has been defined, by Gavin Flood, Academic Director of the Oxford Centre for Hindu Studies, as being capable of “leading to spiritual experience and profound understanding or insight into the nature of existence”. B.K.S.Iyengar states “it is the true union of our will with the will of God”. Sri Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita explained it as “the deliverance from contact with pain and sorrow”. Is this what these new teachers are capable of after their short courses? Have they moved even a tiny bit in those directions?

The purpose of the science is to “enable one to reach ones enlightenment”, ones freedom, ones experience of bliss and heaven-on-earth via the Eight Limbs (stages) of Yoga. The science takes time. Via the Yamas and Niyamas (the first 2 stages) the purification begins. Via the posture work (asanas; the 3rd stage) the mind quietens, and the body later finds ability to sit in Lotus for meditation. The meditational and purifying pranayama (4th) and one-focused practices (pratyahara; 5th) hone the mind, and pave the way to losing the ego as the yogi /yogini moves through Dharana, Dhyana and finally into Samadhi. As you may have read in my piece on the Levels of Consciousness, Samadhi is that point at the top of the pyramid – it is ones Self-Actualisation, ones Awakening and Enlightenment.

In an ideal world every Yoga governing body would have a few enlightened beings on its teaching board, so as to inspire, and generate the energy and level of consciousness that our greatest teachers possessed. But there are simply too few on the planet who reach that pinnacle of Samadhi (via any path or discipline). Without them being there perhaps we should resign ourselves to not being able to offer the fullest instruction of all yoga teachers. After all, it’s akin to wanting enough “Stephen Hawkings” or “DaVincis” to spread around our universities.

And THAT is the “rub” – as they say! WHAT Enlightened being would want to head up the yoga bodies with all the red tape that now binds yoga in these days of the suing/lawsuit culture? Especially when ALL of that is the antithesis of what Yoga is.

I’d like to see the yoga governing bodies making a stand to have it written into their acceptance of a student that NO legal action may ever be taken against a properly qualified teacher. A) because the student should be “purified” past wanting to take such an action before commencing training, and b) because a properly qualified teacher would be exactly that, and c) that teacher would be honoured and instruction adhered to. It is otherwise as crazy a scenario as The Pope saying “I completely trust in God, but I will insure everything I have to the hilt” ! The heritage of yoga is all about trust, ethics, devotion, discipline and honour. We should not have to countenance less.

Yes, there HAVE to be standards. There HAS to be safety, and there HAS to be a means for teachers to pass through schools enabled to provide the basics of Yoga. But could there be two distinct tiers to qualification? With the difference between the tiers fully understood and advertised?

The first qualification could be for those teachers who only wish to teach yoga simply as an exercise form, specifically for those who only want an exercise-style class. The teacher training could be available to those who have been in the regular classes of a qualified teacher for at least two years. They would then commence “Silver Star” instruction. Two years of 200hrs each would be sufficient to master the safe instruction of postures (and I am needing to generalise here since there are now so many different styles of yoga) to a beginner-intermediate level. Essential also would be: physiology, anatomy, and a potted history of, philosophy of, and study of the meaning of the other limbs.

They would not (could not) be qualified to teach “Yoga” in the fuller spiritual sense of the word. So where would that “golden star” qualification come from? When I undertook my yoga teacher training I didn’t feel there was “gold star” quality throughout every area. My ethics were so high that upon leaving I could not bring myself to ask for the qualification. I had very high hopes of offering it within my “school” – to no avail. But maybe it will be via a grassroots endeavour, such as The Independent Yoga Network, that we find a means to locate the truest teachers. Surely we don’t have to travel to India to be acknowledged by the descendants of our greatest original gurus: Iyengar, Desikachar and Pattabhi Jois?

What saddens me most is that yoga ever be misunderstood or undervalued. It deserves to be sanctified. It deserves (as Yehudi Menuhin requested) “to be practised at the highest level”. It does not deserve to be watered down by any of us.

Yoga is my Lover

There are some things in life that you know are the greatest gifts from ‘God’ – a child, a loving partner, a dog… One of those somethings for me has been yoga. I grew up in Canada, and yoga was hitting that continent hard in the 70’s! I remember sitting, when I was 12, on our stairs watching my mother and a friend being taught the asanas. The practice didn’t make an indelible mark on her, but I later made greater use of what I had learned. Without proper respect I made the asanas a backbone for all of the sport I enjoyed. With greater respect I started going to proper classes when I was first pregnant, and with the utmost respect I sit here now having journeyed through all of the delightful limbs. My heart holds such passion and love for this science that has shaped my life.

I am ‘so’ old that I must call myself an “Iyengar Style Teacher”. Officialdom now deems that one may only be an Iyengar Teacher if certified by the Iyengar Institute. But I am thrilled to be the former. So much more spirituality came from our teaching that seemed to have greater grass roots! And you may all shoot me, but Iyengar is (for me) the king of the yogas. The attention to detail creates a wonderfully meditative mind, whilst you engage completely with your body.

My joyful journey was heightened by great teachers. Their passion and love of yoga filled me, and I became Love in those classes. Later in my own classes – some of the happiest days of my life – I knew my own students were swimming in my love of yoga whilst developing their own.

These days I am a true Yogini. All of the limbs have now been my home, and I am at one with the whole magnificent science of Yoga. Each day I am yoga. I am the flow. Within these last eight years (whilst writing) there were days, and even months when I did no asana practice at all, but never did yoga leave me. (There always were great yogis and yoginis who never did a series of asanas – yet they were still mighty yogis and yoginis.) Each day defines what I am and how I am to be yogic. My mat may call to me, and I have known myself (in a more distant past) to approach it in trepidation. After all I used to be a full time teacher, and part of me wanted to return to just where I left off, and that part knew that that could hurt somewhat given my present rusty cogs!!

Blissfully now I return to my mat’s calls as if my best friend is calling to me. Over the first few days I greet that old friend gently, with much love, taking time to reconnect. As the days pass that friend becomes my lover again. I go to bed longing to be with my lover in the morning and then I carry my lover with me all through the day – filled with all that the truest lover gives you as gift. I carry love, confidence, and self-respect. I carry peaceful joy and contentment and I radiate that beauty out powerfully. However, as with life, other things can sometimes get in the way. A routine may temporarily have to alter, but a true lover never leaves you. They accept you as you are and fit in around you until the flow that makes you both the happiest may be restored.

I am moved to tears now knowing what yoga has given me. It has loved me back so unconditionally that I know I will never leave its physical practice. I know we have many, many blissful years of union left – into eternity!

Levels of Consciousness. Or, how to explain that person who really annoys you!

A subject that is key to the transformation of my clients is their understanding of the levels of consciousness. I am a Self Help Guide and author, and my aim within this piece is to fully explain this subject so as to provide insight into one another. Not only are we entirely different gender to gender (and we still do not fully comprehend how much so), but every individual is different by way of their level of awareness – of consciousness. We have geniuses, and we have our seemingly unconscious beings, and everyone in between. This explanation is vital groundwork for my future posts when I will be vociferous about how we communicate, how we have all relationships, and how (when we have to) we move on, break up or divorce. Typically we don’t do these things very well due to that lack of comprehension.

Many of you will be familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and others will be more familiar with the comparable eastern understanding of our evolution, as depicted by our journey through the chakras (illustrated below). To be brief, there are seven standard levels through which we may (or may not) journey as we progress through our lives. It is not the idea that we are born “into” the bottom level and are meant to arrive at the top by the time of our death. Some of you may have to suspend belief here – but it is a journey that takes many (if not hundreds) of lifetimes to accomplish.

Below are the key words associated with the levels, and the needs/attributes of each (borrowed from Maslow and Chakra diagrams). It is easiest if you picture a pyramid. We start at the pinnacle.

Self – Realisation /Enlightenment
(crown) inner work, unity, expansion of consciousness, wisdom, contemplation, drop of fear, experience of bliss, realising one’s full potential, becoming everything one is capable of becoming, leading to enlightenment

Aesthetic Needs
(third eye) purification of thought, development of soul, responsibility, imagination, intuition, beauty – in art and nature, symmetry, balance, order, form

Cognitive needs
(throat) inspiration, independence, self expression, verbal and artistic expression (of all emotions), creativity, knowledge and understanding, curiosity , exploration, need for meaning and predictability, deeper ‘awakenings’ may occur from this level upwards

Esteem needs
(heart) compassion, balance, harmony, selflessness, relating, sharing,
the esteem and respect of others, self-esteem and self-respect, a sense of competence

Love and belongingness
(solar plexus) receiving and giving love, affection, trust and acceptance, affiliating, being part of a group (family, friends, work), greater development of emotions, mental capacity and personality, mental energy, willpower, balanced attitude.

Safety needs
(sacral) protection from potentially dangerous objects or situations (eg the elements, physical illness, psychological, ie: fear of the unknown), importance of routine and familiarity, physical sustenance and strength, sensuality, intimacy, feelings

Physiological needs
(base) food, drink, oxygen, temperature regulation, elimination, rest, activity, sex, stability, survival

The second image I need you to now have in your head is of a series of balloons – one within the other. Our top level of the pyramid is the largest balloon. Within that balloon is a slightly smaller one, and on down until we find the 7th smallest balloon, which equates to the bottom level of the pyramid.

On contemplating that largest balloon you would concur that it touches SO much more of what is around it. In other words – the person who “has” such a balloon is much more conscious, much more aware of all that there is to life. They are in touch with their full potential. These breathtakingly evolved beings touch so much more of what is out there – way beyond the reach of “smaller” souls. They may burst the balloon and become fully Enlightened*, or they may not. But it is at this level that our geniuses are “born”, and our greatest teachers and prophets, simply because they are able to reach those farthest realms where there is original thought. It IS original thought because they are able to utilise the latest insights, and/or information from the latest technological advances, to figure out how to put together the next pieces of the puzzle, to obtain greater understandings. Movement like this is called – The Participatory Theory. (*Richard M. Bucke, MD described it as Cosmic Consciousness a “sense of exultation, of immense joyousness, accompanied by an intellectual illumination quite impossible to describe…Brahmic Bliss…Heaven”.)

The person who has the smallest balloon is more naturally aware of just those things that immediately impact upon it. The evolution of that being has not grown to know of, let alone be concerned with, bigger issues like: the meaning of life, altruism, world balance… It is NOT a matter of those at the pinnacle being better than those further down. We can liken it to a journey through education. One would not point at children in nursery and say that young adults in university were “better” than them. Everyone within the levels can be completely happy, productive, good and kind humans – or they may not be. As an example, those in the 2nd level may become much lesser beings for awhile until their desire for power gains an honourable foot hold.

There is not a strict delineation between the levels. One amasses all of the qualities as one evolves, or one may possess some from random higher levels when seemingly not fully of that level. Perfect example: Neale Donald Walsch – who openly admits that although ‘awakened’ now for 20yrs he is still not fully enlightened. Some attributes or needs may always remain missing. Someone who may be wonderfully altruistic may still have residual “issues” relating to power/finances, or to self-esteem. The pyramid is also representative of the population. There are fewer people within the higher levels.

With these images, of pyramid and balloons, you have easy explanation of all those people you cannot comprehend! – and it is so beautifully simple.

Everyone of us will have experienced shouting (bigger balloon to smaller!)
“HOW can you behave like that?”
“WHY can’t you understand this?”
“WHY can’t you DO this?”
“WHY can’t you see my point of view?” …..


We have looked at other people and thought (smaller balloon to bigger!)
“you’re bloody crazy!”
“how can you believe that?”
“how can you possibly think that?!”
“how can you possibly comprehend quantum physics?!!”

This is key – when you are a bigger balloon YOU can easily (once its explained) understand “smaller balloons”, and completely get them, but they (obviously) can never (hardly) ever get you – because it is a physical/mental/emotional impossibility since the outside of their balloon will never touch where yours touches : all that is out there.

BUT, there will always be many people who can fool others. They can read a lot, experience a lot, and they can SOUND as if they are a bigger balloon, when they aren’t. Their ego is just loving that they understand how things should be. They have intellectual understanding. You may well have met some who “talk” a good enlightenment but who are nowhere near. The danger is that to others (who are smaller balloons) they are mighty impressive!

It is not the case that we come into this life at the bottom and are expected to journey to the top in one lifetime. However, we may be born with a consciousness that is just about ready to become enlightened within the one lifetime, but we will (more than likely) still have various “issues” to sort out within our different levels. It should explain why there can be such differences within families; the adult may well seem immature in comparison to that child we have all known – the one with the wise head on young shoulders.

I trust this will ease your way, and help you to be more compassionate, and non-judgmental. Embrace all others with love – we are all on the same journey!

The IDEA Bucket

Brings you the latest brew on Travel, Business & Enterprise and Tech-lifestyles


Explore the edges. Define YOUR Sensual Self.


An alternative look at the world

Trippin' Thru!

Life with dashings of walking and yoga

The Blog

The latest news on and the WordPress community.