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How do YOU love your partner?

February 12, 2013

This is an excerpt from my book, Opening Secret Boxes
Chapter: Your Gift to your Partner/Spouse

Now, let’s say you are my partner or spouse, what would be your fate? It would be the same as if you were one of my best and closest friends (except you would get some extras!). Ideally we should all be able to say our marriage/relationship is just like that, but how many can? To me (disregarding the extras), perfection would be in treating
everyone the same. That, again, was how Jesus told us to play it. ‘Love your neighbour as your self’, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ It’s all Truth-with-Love stuff.

How do I treat my best and closest friends?
– I don’t own (control) them
– I respect them
– I don’t take their power away
– I am scrupulously honest and open with them
– I don’t manipulate them
– I don’t have expectations or agendas
– I don’t pry into what is private to them
– I let them have the space they want or need
– I don’t make them do anything.
– I check that they are happy – doing or being – with me
– I have truth chats with them (but they are really no longer necessary)
– I don’t take them for granted (as if I owned them!)
– I never lie to them
– I honour their individuality and encourage them to fly
– I let them be just who they are (sometimes needy, sometimes distant, sometimes
vulnerable, sometimes shut-down…)
– I honour all that has made them who they are
– I offer them unconditional acceptance, support and love

How do I treat my partner? I treat him in exactly the same way. In that unconditional love I let him know that if he can look me in the eye, and say that he would be happier somewhere else, doing something else, or being with someone else, then I would be the first to want that for him. I would want it because his happiness is my happiness. If he were unhappy in some way related to me then I couldn’t be happy.

Double-check: – is this how I treat my best and closest friends? Yes.
– is my partner my best and closest friend? Yes.

What allows me to be so self-less and perfect in my love of him? It’s down to 3 things.
1) I actually Self-honour by being that way.(“Self Honouring is explained in the book)
2) The love he gives back in appreciation. It is huge love, and
3) I can only conclude it’s because of the upward spiral we are in. It started the moment I had that Truth conversation with him; the one that established I had no secrets from him, nor would EVER lie to him. That began our super-firm foundation of trust and love. It was a gift he had never been given before. Any architect will tell you that you can only go high if your foundation is the firmest. We now both travel to new, fulfilling, inspiring, meaningful, deep (/high) levels in our relationship which we had not previously touched. I had dreamt of their existence, but I had to become pure and clear. By that I mean I needed to become this advocate for strict truth; I had to find its immense power. Like so many people I’d always preferred to be totally honest,
but found I could also get caught in that truth hurts trap. Once I’d learned what I had to learn, my rules of strict and utter truth had new and dazzling outcome. I also had to find the right loving partner, who would work through his own problems and eventually want to live the same way. By doing my intense work on myself, and establishing this strict but simple belief system, it allowed me to allow myself to be truly loved. It’s something, you will probably find, you actually have to learn to do.

But, I can hear you. You have a question about all this. The thought is in your head: “what if you’re married (/in a union), with the responsibility of care for your children?…..

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